Despite everything, I never felt jealous at weddings. I longed for love, yes, but I never saw that love was in greater supply at weddings than in butcher shops or department stores. The sight of a couple furtively holding hands beneath a restaurant table was more likely to remind me of the hopelessness of my life than any number of ladies dressed in giant christening gowns reciting words to become joined to a man in a rented suit. I do not like public ceremony, not graduations, not weddings; not pep rallies, nor church. Perhaps I simply do not understand trying to share one emotion (love, relief, faith, pep) with a quantity of strangers.
~ Elizabeth McCracken
The Giant's House
As Anne Lamott says, I have loved men so much and am so afraid of what they will do to me. And I look at women who get to have husbands and I think, "How dare they complain about anything," but many of them envy us for our quiet time and our freedom from the demands of others.
About a younger friend:
I felt so sorry for her, with all her buddies getting married and she never did. I think that bothered the hell out of her, frankly. I know it still bothers me. One feels sort of defensive about it; I feel secretly ashamed, like I wasn't good enough to get a husband. And then I see some of the husbands my friends have settled for, and the cats look like a pretty good deal.
“It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”
~ e. e. cummings